Lessons Learned From Crucial Conversations By Kerry Patterson, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler.

Communication is the base of any relationship, whether it be professional, social or other type of relationships. Communication is vital for the relationship to become better and never ends.

Conversations build stronger bonds. Deep conversations build bonds of steel. And the best conversations there is, are the conversations carried by feelings or same interests.

Many couples get divorced because of lack of communication which create a dry space between them. Many projects experience failure because of lack of communication between the stakeholders. Many kids choose the wrong path because of the lack of bond between them and their parents.

I, for instance, hate talking. I can spend hours without saying a word. And that’s a weakness point that I am working on. I do not, however, have this issue when it comes to work. I communicate clearly and regularly.

So, without further ado, here are four lessons that we learned from Crucial Conversations that you can benefit from.

Lesson #1: Speak the truth.

I know that sharing your opinion or saying the truth in 2019 is like walking in a mine land. And we live in a world where people do not mind hearing a soothing lie than hearing the harsh truth.

When I have to share my opinion at work, I have to study each word before saying it. Otherwise, I might be the cause of a war. In my social life, however, I do share my opinion even though it might hurt someone. I try to say it politely. Always. But even though someone might get hurt, I have to say – what in my opinion is – the truth.

People usually will not accept it. That’s fine. That’s not your problem. If you keep hiding what your thoughts are, and who you really are, you will be surrounded by people who are not like you and you will feel as if you are out of place. It is better to lose these people and get new friends who think like you and have the same values as you do.


That does not include giving feedback to a subordinate in your team! When you are managing a team, follow the sandwich method when you want to give feedback. Your job is to help your team members grow even if you have to push them to the edge.

Lesson #2: Communicating is also receiving.

You’re not alone in a conversation. A conversation is between two or more people. Unless you’re talking to yourself…if so, you need to check with your doctor! In a conversation, you send your thoughts and receive the other party’s thoughts. After receiving these thoughts, we usually convert them in our minds as our understanding and point of view.


You see where the conversation went wrong? The OTHER PARTY send THEIR thoughts, and WE converted them into what WE would like to hear! (or understand)


As I said before, in a conversation, we don’t just send thoughts, but we also receive. And when we receive, we should receive them just like the other party sent them and understand THEIR point of view and know what THEY mean before we reply to what THEY said!


Sensitive conversations might happen. Tension might become high. What you need to do is keep on sharing facts, data, examples and keep on asking questions. And always show the other party that you understand their point of view.

Lesson #3: Friendliness is a key point to have a healthy conversation.


Many a time, speakers start with a joke. That’s because they want to break the fear, stress, tension and ice between the parties. I tend to offer a big smile. Sometimes it’s creepy, but that’s fun ☺.

Anyway, when people are timid, or stressed, they respond differently to conversations. A communication should be open and free. It should also be free of any negative feelings that might ruin the conversations.


You should also note that, in this age, most people are suffering from anxiety. So the way they respond to a communication might vary greatly between a minute and another.

Lesson #4: Know your goal.

A communication that does not have an end goal is a waste of time. When you are having a conversation with someone, you need to know what the result should be. Otherwise, you will make it easy for the other party to deceive you. Or, you might get distracted from the conversation.


When you have a clear goal, you’ll know how to steer the conversation and keep on saying the right things.

So, if you’re becoming a manager, or you usually do not communicate well, try reading Crucial Conversations. The book covers tools and techniques that you can use to become a better conversationalist.


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Author's photo is from Twitter

Book cover's photo is from Goodreads.

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